Intimacy In Conscious Coupling


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Ellie Zarrabian, Ph.D.
Founder and Spiritual Director

The attraction between conscious couples is an intense, fiery, passionate and unwavering magnetism that is felt between the two regardless of their age, size, looks, or status in life. This kind of interaction has nothing to do with sex either. Although if they choose to physically engage,the same intensity is available to them in bed. What binds their relationship is their desire for one another. That desire goes beyond the superficial reasons why people typically stay together as a couple. In fact, their attraction not only does not fade over time, but intensifies exponentially. This intensity is a culmination of the work each has done individually and then later when they come together as a couple. What the partners find appealing in each other is the combination of an un-tethered self confidence coupled with fierce vulnerability that they share with each other and in the presence of one another.
An immensely powerful exchange is sparked every time a partner is willing to totally and completely open up to in the presence of the other and to fully expose the naked truth of their being. I am sure you can imagine just how scary or terrifying this prospect can be. But this is where true, undying and unwavering intimacy lies. Partners who embark on a conscious relationship acknowledge this as truth and therefore, are not timid or shy when it comes to taking the plunge. They have learned through their own life experiences and individual practice that true intimacy comes with taking great risk. Risk to jump in and bear one’s heart and soul completely to the other. This risk, in the end, far out ways the security of remaining safe on the sidelines. True intimacy is a powerful, and authentic, yet uncertain and unrehearsed presence with oneself and one’s partner.

To experience this kind of bliss, you can only take the risk if there is complete and utter trust established between the partners. Of course, just building that level of trust can take years in itself. But it’s a sure path to deep love and continuous discovery of the self and the other once that trust is established and the willingness to jump in is there for both partners. This kind of trust requires that you not only trust your partner but also trust yourself one hundred percent. No longer encumbered by past wounds, limiting thoughts, and negative self judgment, the couple share everything….the pain, the anguish, the glory, the insecurities, the perversions, and so forth. All the while, embracing every present moment with love, empathy and compassion for one self and the other.

The level of self confidence that each individual has acquired through their own inner work and together as a couple ensures them that regardless of where this process takes them, they will be OK. In fact, they are reassured that no matter what happens or what the outcome may bring, this work only creates more intimacy by continuously releasing old patterns that get in the way of true love. Even if at times, one of the couples is engulfed by the overwhelming intensity of their emotions, they trust and know that they will come through in tact. The self confidence also comes from knowing that each partner has their own inner journey and mountain to climb and while the other can hold a loving space, neither one is to be saved or rescued from their path. This knowing allows each individual to stay present to the other while securely positioned with a healthy sense of boundary.

Sharing intimacy at this level is the key to extreme desirability and attractiveness in one’s partner. This kind of attractiveness only intensifies with time and experience. The fire under the pot only intensifies the heat inside. This coming together or conscious coupling is what Jung referred to as the unification of the opposites, or the integration of Psyche and Eros, the divine masculine and feminine. That is why conscious relationships are often another path to individuation and personal growth.

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Dr. Ellie Zarrabian 

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